“And I don’t like what you got me hangin’ from…”
For the past year I’ve been quite deeply infatuated with someone I have no chance of ever having a ‘real’ relationship with. Now, this hasn’t stopped me from chasing temporary companionship or caused long periods of despondent lovelorn vapours. In fact, it has been something of a relief: any possibility of falling into a serious relationship is cut short and at the start by the simple fact that she is not Her.
I’ve been quite proud of myself for not letting the lack of Being-With-My-Infatuation get me down. I considered it a hopefully normal process of getting older, wiser and not so much at the mercy of hormones and youthful emotions. In contrast to the quite painful infatuations of my youth, this one is calm, pleasant and almost comfortable.
Now I’m wondering if this is so simply because it works so well in avoiding the messy minefield of ’serious’ relationships. (Yeah, I keep putting that word in quotes. There’s just so much nonsense out there about relationships that the term is almost meaningless to me.) Using said infatuation as a nice barrier against such things. I haven’t been lonely or anything. I’m quite content to be single and wandering about.
If so then yay for me!
Either way, wisdom or barrier, it works. No more strangling on the Pretty Noose:
*Diamond rope, Silver chain, Pretty noose is pretty pain:
And I don’t like what you got me hangin’ from…*
– Soundgarden, Pretty Noose
